


The Girl that Won't Jump

by CorrectedbyLazyAntics



Category: Original Work
Genre: Falling In Love, Gen, Internal Conflict, Internal Monologue, One Shot, Self-Esteem Issues, Unrequited Love, poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 13:03:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10854564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CorrectedbyLazyAntics/pseuds/CorrectedbyLazyAntics
Summary: I want to love myself but I have such a hard time believing anyone could love me that I’ve become my own bullying voice whispering criticism into my own ear. I feel as if I am punishing myself with every friend I make. That it wasn’t until that initial state of attraction on you part no longer existed and I got to know you without reservations that my heart would open.





	The Girl that Won't Jump

So, I ask myself. Since when have I turned so cynical against the picture of a relationship of myself with anyone. My own mind believes I am undeserving of reaching out to a heart as to connect with it. I watch as each time I find myself gravitate toward impossible matches, whom I could never hope to charm. I want to love myself but I have such a hard time believing anyone could love me that I’ve become my own bullying voice whispering criticism into my own ear. I feel as if I am punishing myself with every friend I make. That it wasn’t until that initial state of attraction on you part no longer existed and I got to know you without reservations that my heart would open. Suddenly, every word escaping my mouth mattered and I would fall into a pit of nerves that I now confine into a room each time you approach. Quietly in the slight creaking of that room, if you stop breathing you could perhaps make out the sounds of the settling whispers of your name. Why is it always later? Why can’t I dive off? Am I afraid of drowning? Am I afraid it’s too cold? Am I afraid the of fall being 30 stories high?  And you may think it’s because I’m afraid of drowning? But, I’m not. Or, worried I’m going to freeze, but I don’t’ care. Or that it’s the height for sure, because everyone knows I’m afraid of heights. But no, none of these obvious reasons are my excuse. No, my excuse of a reason is my own fear of hitting the bottom. Why, you might ask? I know how to swim so, why do I keep standing here looking down terrified that I’m going to hit the ground when I can clearly see the endless shimmer of a pool beneath me? I could care less about the world watching me. But I do care about what you think of me. For some reason people think that there’s always going to be a pool at the bottom and the rush of the water hitting your every nerve is the worst of it.  But, I’m terrified if I jump that there won’t be a pool full of water, instead I’ll hit the cold hard rejection of concrete. It’s not as if I want someone to hold my hand, but maybe I’m starting to wonder If I need someone to hold my hand. By the time I’m at the top of the board again I know I’m not going to jump. I just stand there at the top looking down and wait until the lifeguard says to get off already, if I’m not going to jump. Or when the next person in line tells me to jump or move out of their way. The girl that’s never ready on time, and misses the bus. The girl that’s always a little late and takes the backseat in her mind, even when she’s usually shotgun. That really loud chick you get to know and classify as a dude. Or, the as I’ve heard too many people say, the nice girl or the girl that’s always down for her friends. You may know a girl like this and you may constantly be taking her for granted. Shy but loud. Funny but logical. Sweet but bitchy. Cool but caring. Honest but kind. She doesn’t ask for much. She may not even ask for anything at all. Just let her know you’re there. Never forget to tell her she matters to you or just sitting next to her for hours’ binge watching some lame show is enough for her. She just wants to know you’re there, because sometimes she forgets. She forgets she isn’t alone and that that diving bored isn’t the only thing in her life. She gets lonely, because that pool below seems to be the only thing society mainly wants us to care about. So, please if you know a girl that’s always a little too late getting her shit together. Don’t rush her. Don’t scream at her to jump off or get off. Don’t belittle her into a corner. And if this girl is you, stop being so damn cruel to that girl in the mirror and give her a chance. Because that girl, could just surprise you.  


End file.
